I've decided to abandon this journal. It will just be another lost soul in the sea of cyberpages.
I will keep a journal, and other RP journals elsewhere--because frankly, I don't believe eyes other than my own touch the screen of this blog.
It was fun while it lasted, and may Katie Of Quidditch rest in peace.
Lots of love,
I knew it would happen, to think of the day,
When everyone I knew had parted.
Some went in pairs, others went in threes,
And some, alone, forgotten.
I can still feel joy, from those days of old...
Lingering like a ghost that can't hide.
We sang, we laughed, we joked aloud,
But now those days are forgotten.
I thought I meant more than the casual smile
An impression I thought I'd left.
But it's better out there, than alone in here...
Forever I will be forgotten.
They don't know that I cry these tears of hate
For those who have promised to stay.
It went by so fast, why can't it be back?
I didn't want to be alone and forgotten.
It's too late now, and I wonder how
They can sleep so sound at night?
With my soul in distress, and my head such a mess
Maybe it's best I'm forgotten.
I'm always on a list, of things to do-
At the end of the night they'll remember.
They promise the next day, they'll call me awake
But my thought is always forgotten.
Now don't you think I haven't tried,
Because believe me, I always do.
They say they're not home, or away from the phone
But my message for them is forgotten.
When I do get ahold, of someone I know
They talk like we've talked for ages...
I want to cry out, to tell them about
How I'm the one you've forgotten.
Maybe it's fate, or the dish of my plate,
Because things always happen for a reason.
Maybe I'm cursed, to forever walk this earth
Alone, and painfully forgotten.
Well, folks. I had my first day of 'real' work today. In a union. Or with a union I suppose.
"Hello there, welcome to Petcetera, how may I help you?"
That's right. I work at a pet store. I can't see any job more fitting for me, other than a farrier, which may be soon to come. I work in 'livestock', so I really don't 'welcome' people, but rather answer questions (that I know) and harass other employees about questions I don't know! I clean cages and cuddle bunnies. It's a great job, but this was only my first day...You may hear different in a few weeks. My feet are killing me!
Horse update, Rocco's carting. He's such a good boy...I'm really waiting for his big hissy fit, because his behaviour is too good to be true...maybe he does love me! <3
Just thought I'd jot down a few thoughts; fam was away for a few days and I finally had the house to myself. I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I think without the company of my friends, I may not have enjoyed it quite as much. Long days of just eating, watching tv, talking...And I thought to myself, this is probably going to be the last time the three of us are going to be laid back, without a care in the world, for a long time. It was nice. Almost as nice as a vacation.
But they eventually came home, my mom and my dad politely addressed me, asking how my days were. But what did my siblings have to say? I bet they didn't even see me as the walked right past my existence. It bothers me, yes. I hoped for a 'hello', or even a 'hi'. Nope. Well, I hope they had fun without me, as I reckon they did.
I can't wait to get out of here. Although to stay would spite them, and that would make me happy.
I think I've found my place in life. It's hard to explain, but calling it a lightbulb going off in your head sums it rather nicely. I've always been confused as to what life would bring for me, and thought I could just dabble instead of going for something that I may regret later down the road. But dabbling can be expensive, especially when you're on a budget. I created a list in my head of what I wanted to do in life...and everything pointed to one single entity. The horse.
Now you may ask, why? What does it mean?
I'm moving to Alberta in January if everything goes to plan. From the months of January to December I'm learning a trade. I'm learning (and going to be working) to become a farrier. University just wasn't for me. I could tell. I had a feeling that I'd be cooped up into the late hours of the night writing essays about the geological changes of the earth in the past forty years. What good will that do me? I don't want to be a geologist. And I especially don't want to be a teacher. I think I want to work with horses for the rest of my life.
I know the majority of you have no idea what a farrier does, and that's alright. A short definition follows:
Farrier: Works closely with horses; creates horse shoes, deals with feet and leg problems.
I can't believe I didn't see it before. Horses are never going to leave my life, nor would I turn my back on them. I remember falling in love with the gentle giants as soon as my eyes fell upon them. It's going to be a new way of life, that's for sure. I'm going to be away from home for a year and frankly, it's a scary thought. That's all for now. More information may follow...
I love Brad Paisley, but I love to fish...
Uncertainty is what I feel.
A burning; Aching sharp pain courses through my veins.
I can't breathe, my throat has closed.
Fear is what I feel.
A yearning; What do I do? Where will I go? Who will I see?
I can't see, my eyes are moist with hazy tears.
Why must I let them down? I have a choice to follow the path before me, or construct one with my bare hands and to tell them what I see instead. I've left it for too long...maybe it's too late. It would be easier to do what they say, emotionally, anyway. I wouldn't have to look into their disappointed eyes any longer.
Sadness destroys any glimpse of the new sun. I am uncertain what to feel in these times...perhaps uncertainty is what I am suppose to feel, when everything is said and done.
"You know how that old saying in Tennesse goes-or maybe we even use it in Texas!
Fool me once-...shame...on you. Fool...you ain't gunna fool me twice!"
I love the silence, sweet, calm, undisturbed. A hole in time where nothing hears, where nothing sounds. A beautiful thing.
I yearn for silence when I'm in the harshest of moods, a silent drink, a silent couch, a silent sleep. Silence is peace of mind, to be one with the noises that bog down your everyday life. I live for the silence, because even silence is a part of the music.
Hm. Watchin' Oprah.
I realize that there's so much more to life than what a keyboard can offer. Grad year is different in the way that everyone feels the same way about pretty much everything...we all want to enjoy our last year as a ...group, really. I'm talking to more people...John, namely. I talked to him the other day in the hall randomly and I surprised myself. It's different...there's a different air about everything, really.
When college comes in the fall, I'm sure my computer will be forgotten. As will most of the relationships I've created both online and not. We'll see, won't we...hm...
I cried last night. And hell, I've never been one to bitch or whine in my journal, but I just need to get it out. So many things are changing...college wasn't even a word in my vocabulary three years ago. I'm scared. I'm a different person-I've lost something in myself...something that will take years to get back. I've accepted it. I've learned to accept disappointment and heartache. I'm aging too quick. When I turn 20, I'll be 45.
One day I'll learn to balance my soul. The key to life is balance.